barely.. but it still counts right?

I’ve been trying to prep myself for the start of infant care.

I knew it was going to be hard emotionally so I did pretty surprisingly well on that front. Some moments are really hard, moments like when her teacher takes her from me and she desperately tries to reach for me, big fat tears rolling down her face and her little paws grasping at air.

Mommy don’t you love me? Don’t leave me. Why are you leaving me??

That image is almost permanently etched into my head. And then I get over it almost immediately. Today, I lingered awhile as she was brought up the stairs. Once she reached the stairs the crying stopped.

Ah! I see what you’re doing there boss!

Oh course then, I proceed to spend the whole day wondering if she’s okay.

What I didn’t know was how exhausting it was going to be!

We’ve been dropping her off early as to simulate when I start work (next week), and then I get dropped off at the office to prep for next week. So far, I’ve been late to work every morning (Hopefully, next week, sheer stress and desperation will motivate us to wake up earlier). I spend about half a day at the office and then go off for lunch (everything is closed in-house), run errands here and there, head home to offload stuff, do a little pirouette and then it’s time to go pick up the boss!

I read that it really boils down to how you divide and allocate your time to the people and things you love. It’s also about concentrating on what’s happening now rather than what you have to do later. I suspect I’m exhausting myself by fretting and worrying and trying to get a million and ten things done, now that I “have time”. So I’m gonna try to take a few steps back and just chill for a bit so I can enjoy my baby while I can.

Because, when she’s home, she’s like sunshine! She’s just so happy to be home. She squeals and coos while playing by herself, occasionally looking at me and smiling, for no reason and out of pure unadulterated joy. I haven’t seen those in a while.

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