For as long as I can remember, I have always wanted two kids. It’s very odd, but when I was a wee kiddo and dreaming of my future, it was always me, my husband and two children (and a house with white picket fences – I think I watched too much TV then). And always – ALWAYS – I felt as if there was a daughter in the cards. Never a boy, no, I never expected to have a boy at all.
And then Aidan came along and changed it all up. I will be the first to admit that my heart sank when I realised that the little blob in my belly was a boy. But then, he arrived and our family felt complete.
I don’t know why I was so silly, thinking that I wouldn’t know how to be a mum to a little boy. Truth be told, I have never been one of the most girly persons in the world. Maybe it’s because I was happily scaling trees, jumping into pools and climbing up letterboxes when I was a kid. Maybe it’s because I never really felt like the kind of girl that cute boys would like. Maybe it’s because I laugh too loudly and talk too loudly. Maybe it’s because I have never really been a gentle girl. And I’ve never really been “one of the girls”, in a sense.
Being a mother to Aidan has been so amazing in so many ways. Every evening, I sit on the floor of our home and build train tracks with him. We take a quick detour on the way home just to check out MRT trains trundling past us. I’ve exclaimed “train!” and “airplane!” and “truck!” and “cement mixer!” together with him one too many times. The amount of energy that he has makes it physically challenging for me too, because I am almost always up on my feet all the time, chasing him down. Not the easiest of tasks when you are heavily pregnant!
But most amazing thing about being his mum is when he locks his arms around my neck and gently pats my back. It’s when he leans in and gives me a fat, smooshy kiss that ends with a dramatic “mmmmmmm-muahhhhh”. It’s when he gently says to me, “Love you, mama” when we say goodnight. It’s when he smiles shyly and rubs his nose against mine when I ask if we can be “nose to nose”.
Maybe it will be the same if I have a daughter. But right now, there’s a special bond between the two of us that’s unique to us as mother and son.
We don’t know for certain if Two is going to be a boy or a girl, although it seems likely that we are batting for Team Blue. Although I do mourn the fact that I will never have a daughter, I am also looking forward to bringing up my boys. I hope that in time to come, I will have raised sons who are good-hearted, kind, respectful, thoughtful and in touch with their emotions. I hope that they will be men who are not afraid to show their feelings and who will treat their partners with respect.
And that’s my wish as a mother.