Exactly a week ago, the husband and I were sitting on the sofa, worried sick.
Our Zac was running a high fever and he was, frankly, scaring the hell out of me. I have seen viral fevers in Aidan and while some of those temperatures were high, Aidan had always been a happy camper despite being ill.
Zac, however, was not his usual self. His eyes were closed and he was grunting with every breath that he took. He did not want to nurse and when he opened his eyes in response to our voices, he seemed to look right past us. His little body was curled up in a foetal position and it was so, so hot.
We finally brought him to the hospital at 11pm and our paediatrician admitted him immediately. That night, I held him to my chest as he slept, fitfully, while Aidan slept clutching my leg. The husband was sprawled on the glider next to the bed in the high-dependency unit.
It was a horrible, horrible night. So much went on that night, and we were this close to having Zac warded in ICU.
We stayed in the hospital, Zac and I, for six nights. During those days, I didn’t step out of the hospital and barely saw sunlight. I had to be there for him, 24/7. The husband brought Aidan to see us every evening and the farewells made me heavy-hearted.
But in the midst of all these, I was thankful for many things.
I’m thankful for my family. They dropped by to visit me and my bubba, and asked about his condition constantly. These visits brought so much cheer to me and I know that my little man is so loved.
I’m thankful for my girlfriends. I was fed dim sum and teh-si by Selene, and Y came along with a special delivery of One Man Coffee for both me and the husband. My pregnant girlfriend D was always texting me, asking about her “second favourite Zac” (her son is named Zachary) and making me laugh.
I’m thankful for my community of blogging friends. When they invited me to join them, I was hesitant because, well, I’m not really the extrovert sort. And who makes friends in their 30s, and online too? But I am glad I did and their concern for a fellow mum is something I am so grateful for.
I’m thankful for everyone who cared enough to drop me a note, either via text or on Instagram. Thank you, you have no idea how those messages made me feel warm during those days when all I did was stare at the four walls of the ward.
I’m thankful for my husband, for a strong partnership and marriage. He came over every single day to relieve me, knowing that the nights were rough. He put the little one down for naps, changed his diapers and entertained him. He brought me snacks and teh-si, made me giggle by bringing me a thong when I said I needed fresh underpants (“But they were all rolled up and looked alike!”) and charged my phone.
I’m thankful that Aidan adapted well to my absence and behaved well when he was at his grandmothers’. And that he was not jealous when both of us clearly had our attention focused on Zac and not him.
And most importantly, I am thankful that Zac is on the mend. Oh, my feisty little man. The nurses were so amused by him – they cooed over how Korean he looked, gushed over his hair and chuckled when he kicked and yelled. He was never whiny, hardly cried and is, in general, our super trooper. When I look at him smile at me, I say a little prayer of thanks that he is now fine.