Note: The following is written by Dannie Cho, husband to one Tan Yi Lin. Also, do not read it at work with your boss hovering behind you.
Recently, my best friend shared a link on Facebook, and encouraged “inputs from his most articulate bestie”. (Seriously, read the link first before reading the rest of this post!) It’s an article that shared Singaporeans’ humourous side, by making everyday situations sound erotic. So, in celebration of our nation’s 50th year, and of our very lucky baby-making efforts, here are some of the key milestones we went through on our parenthood journey – erotica style!
She lay on the bed, spread-eagled. Moaning and writhing, clutching the bedsheets as spasms rocked her body.
“GIVE ME THE -BLEEPING- EPIDURAL NOW!”
She was a dark-skinned beauty with curves in all the right places. And when I was in her, there was only pure pleasure. The only decision to make was whether to go fast or to go slow.
But the Audi A4 was just not suitable for 3 child seats. Sigh… time for a trade-in.
#SG50ShadesofGrey #WhenClaireHadATwin #TradingForAMPV
I took her by the hand and led her to the aircraft’s toilet. All eyes were on us.
“Come darling,” I said, as the toilet door closed behind me. “Let me get you out of your pants…
… so that I can change your poopy diaper.”
I crept into her bed as she stirred from her slumber. My hand, palm already full of moisturiser, slipped under her shirt to massage the bare skin beneath in slow circular motions.
Please, please, please stop crying in the middle of the night when you feel itchy. Daddy needs to sleep too…
The love of my life looks at me questioningly. “Do you want to sleep with her? It’s okay if you want to. Or if you like, I can sleep with her too.”
It’s just easier to look after your sick child when you’re in the same room.
I looked around, feeling a little flustered. Then, a pretty young lady caught my eye. I looked at her uncertainly, as she approached me. She gave me a big, wide smile as she reached down and took a firm grasp…
… of my daughter’s hand. “Welcome to your first day of school, little one. I know you’ll enjoy yourself here!”