(Hilarious and I thought I’d share: My computer keeps auto-correcting “mombod” to “mamboed”. Like HELLO. Even my computer is making fun of me. The last time I mamboed – at Zouk, presumably – was…NEVER. You may start laughing now.)

So the other day, I had an external meeting in town and I decided to do a quick spot of shopping after lunch. I dropped by Cotton On Body to check out their activewear (as if I have been very active, hah!).

Woah. Have you gone into that store recently? Okay, I haven’t, because shopping has become a thing of the past for me. I don’t really go into malls these days and anything I buy is most likely from the World Wide Web. They had such a range of good stuff – stylish swimwear, cool gym gear and comfy loungewear.

And even their lingerie section had some pretty pieces. I was browsing through their bras and thinking, wow, I would love to buy them.

But I couldn’t.

You see, I am still breastfeeding the littlest. And we all know that breastfeeding makes your boobies much larger than they really are. I can’t buy them in anticipation for when I finally wean off the baby because a) I don’t know when that will be as I don’t have a deadline in mind, b) who knows how my boobs will be like when I eventually stop nursing. They may well deflate into nothingness or go all concave, for all I know. In which case, I can probably save heaps of money by not ever needing to buy lingerie.

I did a mental calculation and realised that for the past 42 months, I have been breastfeeding/pumping for 36 months. That equates to 36 months of crappy, shapeless and unsexy nursing bras, and living in nursing tanks.

Well, hello there, mombod.

I won’t lie, there are moments when I wish I had nicer lingerie. Or be able to wear pretty dresses that are not breastfeeding friendly. But I usually remind myself that in the grander scheme of things, I am not going to be breastfeeding till my son has enlisted in the army. RIGHT? It’s just going to be a couple of years and then I will be done for good. I just need to be patient and wait it out a little.

But my mombod, it’s here to stay for good.

Honestly, I am considered lucky. I shrunk back to my pre-baby size and weight pretty fast, within two months or so, postpartum. I do not have stretch marks. The one prominent sign that I have given birth is the scar across my belly from my Caesarean.

Yet I am no longer the same. While I used to be fit and strong, these days I have withered down to a stick-like physique, due to the lack of exercise. My stomach shows signs of over-indulgence in chocolate. I have shared my body with my children for almost four years.

But I am not embarrassed by it. The grander scheme of things. One day, my boys won’t need me to be around as much and I will be able to go back to the kind of fitness routine that I was used to. One day, I will stop nursing and get my body back.

In the meantime, I am going to wear my bikini proudly (somebody say BEACH HOLIDAY WASSUP). For this mombod has carried and nurtured two babies and it’s pretty damn amazing!

Once upon a time…

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